I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
