genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
