Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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