i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
