Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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