She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
