Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
