If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
