your parents love me but you hate me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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