I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
