glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
