don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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