He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
