Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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