your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
