I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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