Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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