So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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