Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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