she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
