she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
