pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
