I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize