.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
