tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
