So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
