it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
