Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we're so committed to being not committed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
