I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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