6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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