Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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