and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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