Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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