I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
