I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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