there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So gin and wine won't be happening again
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
