and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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