I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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