ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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