super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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