I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
