umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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