i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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