Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
