It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
