He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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