I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
