Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He felt like a one man threesome
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
