Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got inside last night via doggy door
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
