guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
