im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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