Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
