her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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