I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
