I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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