Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
