from now on my penis is your penis
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
