You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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