I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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