I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
handjob tips. give me some.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
