She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Randomize
