Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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