I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
