i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
