my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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