Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need to calm my uterus...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
