Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
