I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
