I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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