True but thats because hes a fetus.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
