i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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