the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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