Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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